The life and times of being married to Debo: “That’s my money punk!”

Chris:(Mars)

Ok, y'all guess whose bizack... Don't let the clip fool you into believing I just bully stuff from the wife because that is not the case atall (that's not a typo it's pronounced at-ull). The reality is that I am the victim here.

Money, money, money, monaaaay...The issue here is money and the ability to hold on to it for a rainy day...hell I'm not even talking about a storm, "Mari, baby can we just hold on to some money for a drizzle?" My wife... bless her heart does not know how to have acccess to money. If she knows that there is money in excess of us having the ability to make sure there is food on the table, she feels the need to spend the excess so that we can "pretend" our way into the next pay period. We've lived pretending that checks we write won't get cashed until more money is in the account... we've pretended to be confused when a merchant has said our debit card is not going through -y'all know the scene when the merchant says,"I'm sorry ma'am your card is not going through" and as though you resent the fact that he would of even come at you like that you pretend like their machine is broke..."Excuse me? That can't be right, please try it again, uh-huh."

Why, why, why is it so hard for this lovely woman -my wife- unable to manage money??? Why is she not able to understand that if you buy everything in the store it really doesn't make a difference that there is a sale? Why is she under the impression that she must have an 'outfit' that looks 'cute' for every occasion? Why is it she believes living in New York City means she is privy to every store in New York City? Why is it that because she has a job she feels like she can spend "her money" as she feels and not have to worry about the expenses of OUR household?

Mari (Venus):

Sigh, I mean really?? What I am to say to this?? First of all I work hard for my money honey ans although it's not as big as the bacon my husband brings in right now, its still money!

All the women who are independent- Throw your hands up at me!!! I am used to the shoes on my feet- I bought it, clothes I wear- I bought it. Now I gotta shop and sneek my shoes and clothes in the house ....although I can't even do that because I got my husband AKA Deebo looking at the joint account keeping up with what I am doing.... OK. OK. I admit I am no Suzie Orman, my papi, my mom, my dad everyone can tell you that, but hey I am as some may say high maintenance and by high maintenance I mean I like to look nice! I don't even get my hair done anymore and I stopped getting my nails done too! I mean I have friends who are HIGH MAINTENANCE FOR REAL! They get their hair, nails, toe nails done PLUS they go to the spa and get facials on the regular!! Most of the time the men in their lives are paying for it by the way.... But see how things change when you are married... All I am asking for is a few outfits with my little earnings and I even shop at H&M It's not like I'm at Gucci! I mean... can a girl look halfway decent?? I mean you know how you were feeling me before we got married?? I want you to still look at me and be like- There goes my baby! Why do I have to look busted to save $5.00 as paid as you are Dr. Professor Christopher D, is for Deebo Yawn!

I know I need to contribute to the fold or the household and I do!! But since I only make so much I should get to pay the little grocery, cell phone, tv, electric bill stuff, You want the full rent out my little earnings!!! This isn't no little $600.00 rent..... we talking NYC 4 digits a month rent!! That's like half my check and sometimes more....

Now when I was me myself and I, I must admit I cut some corners and I might have been a little hood rich but I did what I had to do.

Chris (Mars)

You know I continue to have a difficult time understanding it. So, I decided to put in motion a method to help her slightly understand what our monthly expenses are. I decided to write a check from the bank account she deposits her employment checks into for paying our monthly rent. Boy, oh boy, oh boy did she have a fit. You would have thought I was at a black womens' convention and said that we are no longer accepting weave from India. This woman -my lovely, beautiful wife- commences to tell me that she doesn't hardly make any money and using that account to pay rent would leave her broke! I proceeded to let her know, "Yeah, I know the feeling. As a matter of fact I've been knowing the feeling, for a while now, of having your entire paycheck gone before you even receive it!"

Mari(Venus):

UMMM so allow me to clarify a few things.. 1st I am not a weave from India chick. As a matter of fact I wish I could afford that luxury. soooo thanks Chris Rock..LOL But no lessons need to be lead here other than all we had to do sweetheart was sit and talk... Every time we do that by the way... we will agree on an amount that will be taken from my account, and then somehow it turns into much much more..... Oh and by the way can I get a notice of when this money is coming out of my account rather than a surprise when I go to the ATM only to find out that there is less money in the account than I thought....This is why many married women set aside separate accounts. SO WE CAN HAVE SOME OF OUR MONEY!!! At least some of it dang! I also set up a little account for the baby so if he wants to trip when I buy her a little outfit he can't... I mean come on.. Furthermore, I admit I can go crazy when I shop but when your pregnant and can't fit your clothes without looking like the incredible hulk busting out everywhere... what is a woman to do? Be reasonable geeze. Need I remind you that you make three times as much as me Mr. PH.D?

Look, I know we have goals, we want to buy a home, get our baby(ies) through college and whatnot, and we need to plan. We are not doing so bad so far, we have 401K Plans, we have several savings accounts ( yours, mine, ours, baby girls) We have securities, for 31 years old we are not doing too bad. I feel you but I still want to maintain and look and feel as good as I did when we dated. I want to be able to go out and not look wack! Can I have that? I mean can I get a percentage GOLDIE? I don't need to feel like I have a pimp! That is not what this is about, it's about love and building wealth and we can still do that and look and feel good and go to dinner and movies every now and then too.

Chris (Mars)

So, I guess you can say I wanted it to be a learning experience and to teach her a lesson. But the bottom line is this: when you enter into a marriage it is no longer my money or her money it really is our money. That is if you both came into the marriage with no real money. Now, if one member comes in with millions and the other comes in with tens that's a different story. But that wasn't us and I don't think that is the case for most. So you have to learn to lose that stingy edge that I think all of us are programmed to have in this capitalist world, and go back to the rule we learned when we were kids... sharing is caring.

IT"S BABY TIME!!!

Date:
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Time:
2:00pm - 4:00pm
Location:
The Canton Cultural Center for the Arts in the Canton Museum of Art Courtyard
Street:
1001 Market Ave North
City/Town:
Canton, OH

Come Celebrate a **New** New Yorker! Because if She can make it here she can make it anywhere! RSVP Below!

If you can't make it call Nehlia Mc Intyre at 404-808-3637 to join the On- Line Party

Registrations are:

https://www.tiffany.com/Registry/View.aspx ( under Christopher D. Yawn)

http://www.target.com/registry/baby/3AT0UXX9KIZ7M

http://www.toysrus.com/registry/link/index.jsp?overrideStore=TRUS®istryNumber=45163573

http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/regGiftRegistry.asp?order_num=11303859&wrn=-1220287792 ( under Mari Moss-Yawn and Christopher Yawn)

LOVE.... WHAT IS IT?

Mari(Venus)

So I feel like starting with a Timbaland quote " It's been a long time, we shouldn't have left you with out a dope...." lol you know the rest. OK. OK that was reaching but... saying that to say being married in NYC life can be busy and so we are playing catch up on the blog. But you know, there is soooooooooo much stuff to talk about when it comes to relationships, marriage, especially love!! On the daily I write a blog in my head about what I am experiencing because it's almost like you have to be there to understand. We started this experiences to give people the scoop on what it is like to take that major step in a big city. But there is so much to tell. So, I have decided to start with the thing called LOVE.

Now obviously love is hard to describe... I mean in all actuality it is an experience that gives you a feeling and people react to it in different ways. Depending on your point of view or your age you may feel love is different from how I would describe it, but there are concrete definitions of this phenomenon called love.

I mean but really.. what is it?

People have different expectations when it comes to love... They think it is just about sex like if they are sprung on someone or if someone is just fine that's what turns them on (which by the way is why you have so many situations where various people marry a trophy for looks and then there is nothing there when the looks go away)...Some People get confused when it comes to realize the difference between love, lust, and infatuation. That is why understanding the difference is so important.

For example when I was younger my clique of girlfriend and I thought we would love a particular type. He had to be fine, built, and have money, and status- he had to be "cool". Then I grew and matured and realized there was more to the equation than that. It became a situation of a more mature definition love. That meant he had to be intelligent, be able to verbally stimulate my mind, have a life plan, respect me, he had to also be understanding, real, someone that could make me laugh and most importantly someone I could be myself with. Someone who shared my values and ideals and most of all reverenced GOD. But it takes experience, heart break, and whatnot to figure it out. You could go through some real bull crap before you get to the real deal.

What I learned about love I learned from my family and especially my grandfather. My Grandfather- Adam Benjamin Thompson aka PAPI never EVER told anyone as far as I know that he loved them. At least he never told me (except one day he did but that is another story for another time). However, I knew my grandfather loved me because of his actions! He always had my back. He fed me, clothed me, gave me whatever I needed when I needed it (sometimes that means he spoiled me but whatever!). He was always there for me. That is how I literally learned that actions speak louder than words from PAPI. My mother was much different. She told you she loved you at least ten times a day, and would give an over abundance of hugs and kisses. So, I became a combination of both.

Now, my husband is the ultimate depiction of love to me right now because despite the fact that I am a big bellied pregnant beast that snores so loud he can barely get a wink of rest, he still tells me I am beautiful, sexy, and helps cook and clean when I can't even think to lift a pot or pan. It kinda makes me feel bad sometimes, but I am grateful for what I have.

There is a book out now called "The Five Languages of Love" by Dr. Gary Chapman. It talks about how we all have a different ways of expressing and showing our love to one another, and if we don't understand how to show love in the right way to the people we re in a relationship with..... it can be a bust! It gives an assessment and a breakdown on what it really is to show and speak the language of love. It even tells you what your style of love is so you can know how you operate.

When people try to define love they often quote the bible scripture from 1st Corinthians... love is patient love is kind. etc. but there are MANY scriptures about love and some of them even get sexual.... so I am going to end here by posting these scriptures, but I want to continue this and find out what you think love is truly about.

Genesis 29:20
So Jacob worked seven years to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days. (NLT)

Proverbs 5:19
A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. (NIV)

Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs. (NIV)

Proverbs 13:24
Those who love their children care enough to discipline them. (NLT)

Proverbs 15:17
A bowl of vegetables with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate. (NLT)

Proverbs 17:9
Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. (NLT)

Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (NIV)

Proverbs 30:18-19
There are three things that amaze me—
no, four things that I don’t understand:
how an eagle glides through the sky,
how a snake slithers on a rock,
how a ship navigates the ocean,
how a man loves a woman. (NLT)

Song of Solomon 1:2
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine. (NIV)

Song of Solomon 2:16
My lover is mine, and I am his. (NLT)

Song of Solomon 4:10
How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice! (NIV)

Song of Solomon 8:6
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. (NIV)

Song of Solomon 8:7
Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned. (NIV)

John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (NIV)

1 Corinthians 13:1-8a and 13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails....And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (NIV)

Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (NIV)

Ephesians 5:33
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (NIV)

Colossians 3:14
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (NIV)

1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (NIV)

1 John 3:16
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. (NIV)

1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. (NIV)

1 John 4:8
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (NIV)

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (NIV)