MARS, VENUS & NEW YORK CITY

WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME- A WIFE PROVING HER WORTHINESS

2011-11-12T14:07:00.000-08:00

As I have been getting more accustomed to being a wife, mother, and cultivate a career in the NYC, somewhere between becoming a mother and trying to reconnect to who I am or was or want to be has converted me from a balanced type B to a Type A personality.

I do NOT like the Type A per se, but I have noticed that I may have become a slightly more aggressive person lately and with all the occupy wall street people out there, I do not think that is the best way to be.

I remember when I was 21 and REALLY thought I knew everything, and I had my first job in television production and I would notice the producers were always seeming stressed and frightful about EVERY SINGLE THING. HIGH STRUNG to the fullest. I just couldn't understand why in the world anyone would need to be that way. I mean Que Sera Sera whatever will be will be. I was just going with the flow. I had absolutely NO idea why those ppl were like that until now.

I don't know if it is because of my motherly instinct, or because I am trying to keep up with the way I was before I became a mother or what. All I know is it is like a switch went off and all the sudden I am doing extra or just doing too much, and it has truly been causing major problems and challenging me!

The first time I saw Kimora Lee Simmons I knew exactly what kind of wife/mother I wanted to be. I wanted to be a good mother and wife but I wanted to take care of business, and make my own money all while still looking good!

A lot of people I know can not stand Kimora because she is so EXTRA. She is dramatic, over the top and slightly out of control. However, I see a woman who knows what she wants and is independent.

I can cook a gourmet meal, but I don't want to do it everyday. I want a clean home, but I don't want to be a maid. I want to be a good mommy, but I don't want to become a slob and I surely do not want my daughter outside without her hair combed and a cute outfit on that matches!

For some that may be doing too much and to be honest, I have found myself becoming overwhelmed and I came to the point where I felt myself becoming much like Beyonce in the "Why Don't You Love Me" video where Beyonce accurately again depicted exactly how I feel across the board. In the video, Beyonce is trying to do everything- be the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker, fix the car, water the garden, and be sexy and cute while she is doing it all. Nevertheless, as hard as she is trying to be impressive, she is making a mess, nearly burning down the house and whatnot. She is not necessarily doing it all that well. Then she is on the phone crying about "Why don't you love me when I make me so damn easy to love?" Yep... That is pretty much it.

Meanwhile, my husband who loves me, respects me, and I think mostly understands me in all my incredibly interesting ways has done everything right on the straight and narrow. His achievements and credentials have set a standard that I feel I have to catch up with and while I am proud it became frustrating to me that he could be so perfect and I can be such a HOT MESS!

Kind of like Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. Daffy would try to prove how he could out smart or out do Bugs meanwhile bugs would lay back and chew on a carrot and take his time and accomplish the goal without a hitch!

I realize that I am blessed. However I can't give up and let my high goals and expectations take to me a level that is not me. I know who I am, and what I can do. I do not need to prove anything to anyone. All I need to do is relax and be.

God has and will always take care of me but I have to admit faith is an easier said than done occurrence at times. To have faith you need to have trust and lets be honest it is getting harder and harder to trust people these days.

One day I was in church and this woman sitting next to me leaned over and said "I've been there. You are doing a good job, just hang in there." That is when I realized, no matter how crazy I think things are getting or how much weight I feel is on me, or how much I think I am failing, I am not alone, I am not the only one, and there is always someone who has been there or is going through way worse than me.

This is not an overnight thing...It is a process and life is just plain difficult sometimes, but I know we are on our way and we are going to make it. The main thing I had to let go of way pleasing everyone and worrying about what they think. All I can hold on to is me. So as I balance being a wife, a mom, and career woman, I just smile, breathe, and do the best I can however I can. Besides, I am not alone. There is always GOD .....and my wonderful husband too!

For Better or Worse- LOVE- is ALL that matters

2011-10-17T04:41:00.000-07:00

When people get married and take their vows, "For better or worse, through sickness and in health, etc. etc," it may seem like just some words you say on a day you dress up in front of people just to at the end of the day say "I'se married now". Millions of people have said those words or something like those words for centuries. Who knows what it truly means until you are actually married and really realize that those words were really where the rubber hits the road.

One thing I can vividly remember is the day my husband and I had our wedding in my hometown. We had already had a small intimate ceremony on 8/8/08, but when we had the ceremony with the guests and the friends one thing I will never forget is how my husband looked into my eyes and said his vows (again). We had already been married and living together for sometime in NYC. We had gone through the preliminary changes of what it was to merge together as one so rapidly and that was challenging enough.... But, when he looked into my eyes I can not even express the way that it permeated me to the point where I could feel his love for me down into my spirit and my soul. It was beyond anything I had ever felt before. I think many people must feel that they have a special love and that their relationship is rare but I know I am definitely one of those people. It is such an incredible experience to be married and when you go through the turbulence, and trials of life together, that is when the true testimony happens. It is a moment when you have to know if you have a love that is so real that can stand the test of time and the trials and obstacles life throws your way.

Some months ago a song came out called 1+1. I am sure a lot of people think I am all about Beyonce as much as I post her on this blog, but I can't help it if the girls songs are on point with how I feel about things. I am sure there are other songs out there that could have the same meaning, but I digress. I remember when I first heard 1+1 on American Idol and I felt the chills go through me as she sang and expressed a love that whoever wrote the song could only know by experiencing a raw, real, and deep devotion and true testament of love.

The words of the song start off:

"If I ain't got nothin, I know that I got YOU"
and "If I ain't got something (I don't give a damn)
'Cause I got it with you
I don't know much about algebra (but I know)
One plus one equals two
And it's me and you
That's all we'll have when the world is through"

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW~

So true. All I can truly say is that there must have been something in my life I did right to be married to a man who has loved me honestly and truly beyond my faults. When I was super fat after being pregnant, when I wasn't that cute, when I had an attitude, when I was a hot mess and just didn't feel like doing a single thing, when I wanted to put my career ahead of everything at the expense of my own health and to the detriment of my everything I held dear to me. The list goes on and on and on. Oh trust me there are times when I have been challenged to love him too, but that is what real love is. I think marriage is how you find out how much GOD truly loves us. In spite of our issues and mess he looks past our faults as see's what we need and loves us unconditionally.

You have to be grateful to know when you have a real love.

It is easy to love someone when everything is perfect and going well, but not so much when times get tough and challenges arise. Those are the times when love is needed the most, but it isn't as available.

All I know is one day I had a sleepless night and all I could do was realize and be grateful for the love I had right next to me.

I got up and just started playing songs and tears started flowing because I realized that the only thing that matters is love and it is the vows that help you realize that when they become real through the struggle of life or the inner struggle with your own self discovery or development. Then is when you can fully understand what love sincerely is and that is how you find out that nothing in this entire WORLD matters more than love.

Happy Anniversary Chris and Mari 8/8/08

2011-08-09T21:08:00.000-07:00

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I WAS HERE part 1

2011-07-31T16:22:00.000-07:00

I recently told someone that I believed that as you live your life, you should live a life of purpose. Every decision you make should be with the thought of how that decision will affect your future and that it will reflect what kind of legacy you will leave when you die.

There is a famous poem call "Time" that says:

"I have only just a minute. Only sixty seconds in it. Forced upon me, can't refuse it. Didn't seek it, didn't choose it. But it's up to me to use it. I must suffer if I lose it. Give account if I abuse it, Just a tiny little minute but eternity is in it."

It is very important who you choose as your friends, what career path you choose, what school you attend, who you marry if you decide to marry at all etc. Some decisions have a greater impact than others, but for the most part everything you decide has a larger result that will impact your life to some degree.

Some people are only afraid of the choices they make because they fear "judgment day" (when they have to face GOD at the end of their life), and they want to make sure they go to heaven. I however,also happen to take into account the time before you get to judgment day when you have to deal with the repercussions and the outcome of the decisions you make in your life here on earth. I try to live my life this way because I learned very early on that the decisions you make you will have to account for.

You see, I was born to a woman who fell in love with a man she had a relationship with. Like so many women in her same shoes, she realized way too late that this man did not feel for her the same way she felt about him. So, on a hot summer day in Chicago, Illinois my mother hailed a cab and on August 7th, 1978 at 12:07 PM she gave birth to her baby girl.

Heartbroken and disillusioned, my mother decided to have me anyway even though she knew that there would be a blank space on my birth certificate when it came to the category of father and that she would probably have to raise me on her own.

I am sure that the coming weeks were not easy raising a child alone and trying to hold down a career in a big city. She found herself burning the candle at both ends and did all she could to be both mother and father and taking responsibility for her decisions.

Ultimately, my mother knew she couldn't do it all alone and moved back to her hometown where her family was in hopes that she could rely on them for support. My mother got married and spent the rest of her time as most mothers do making sure I did my best in school while developing culture and character. She took me on travels around the world; Spain, France, England, Martinique, Mexico, Canada, etc. She taught me foreign languages and we had many adventures. She made sure that I developed well and that I went to college.

As I went through life with an amazing grandfather as well as a father who ultimately adopted me, I didn't really miss knowing my "real" father although I was often curious about who he was and if I would meet him one day or even if he thought enough of me to try to find me.

At 14 years old my mother even took me back to Chicago to tell me the story of my existence. As she told me the story of a young woman developing her career while falling for a young impressive executive man climbing the corporate ladder tears flowed down my face. On that day I made a promise to myself to never fall in love with someone who would not love and care for me in a special way. It was a story that kept me from a lot of heartbreak and saved me from teen pregnancy.

As an adult woman, I could not shake the curiosity of finding my biological father. I had to know who he was and what he was up to and if he even wondered or even thought about me. Did he even care that I was alive? Did he know that I even existed? Did he wonder where I was? Was he looking for me like I was looking for him? Or did it even matter?

I have often thought about my life and what it even meant in the grand scheme of things. I have always been a champion of young people and a fighter for the poor and under served communities. I founded PEACE TV at 22 years old and fought with the elitist and politicians who could have cared less about the urban communities plight(still do). I worked for causes and companies that I was passionate about and gave my all in every job I committed myself to. All of the things I have done to do my part in "saving the world" or being an agent of positive social change didn't quite matter if at the end of the day I felt the pain and emptiness of not knowing why and how and who was responsible for why I was even alive (besides GOD of course). I know that through my struggles there are probably a lot of people who I might have touched or meant something to, but in my own life there has always been this longing to know or belong and realize ALL of who I am.

Today as a wife and mother of a child who will be ONE next week (I can't believe it!) I can say that it touches my heart to experience the love and relationship with my daughter has with her father. He loves her unconditionally and all that matters in the world to her is her "DA DA". I am so pleased to know that no matter what happens to me, my daughter will have what I could have only dreamed to have with my biological father. That she will not have to wonder about her father, or question his love for her, or worry about him not being there to support her needs or development in any way.

Yesterday, my life long quest of searching for my father ended at about 12 noon at the Plaza hotel Palm Court restaurant. When I saw him I instantly saw where I got my eyes, complexion, face shape and jaw. I asked him questions and he asked me questions and together we made discoveries. I left feeling glad that I decided to meet him.

Going forward is the trickier thing, because now, I need to understand what this means to my future.

It means one thing to my husband and daughter and a whole other thing to my mother who may have to somewhat re-live her past pain. The children of my biological father who have no idea that I even exist will have to find out about how this all came to be and last but not least I have to consider the father who gave me his name, put me through college, walked me down the aisle, and married me. The man who actually was responsible for another man's responsibility.

All I know is that GOD allowed me to come to be for a reason and my mother decided to allow me to live. As long as I am here I plan to make the best of things.

I was here...
I lived, I loved
I was here...
I did, I've done, everything that I wanted
And it was more than I thought it would be
I will leave my mark so everyone will know
I was here...

YOU'RE A NON FACTOR!

2011-05-30T18:11:00.001-07:00

AUGH!!! Ok. So, just like millions of women right now my guilty pleasure television show of the season is "Basketball Wives" on VH1.

It is a show started by Shaunie O'Neal ( Shaquille O'Neal's ex- wife), where she and maybe two other people were even truly a "basketball wife" on the show. However, the reason people even watch this show is to get a glimpse into the lifestyle of women who marry/date/or become a baby mama to these basketball players. The result is a LOT of drama.

Apparently, in this world you are defined by who you are married to/ are dating/ or have a baby by, what designer clothes and shoes you wear, what car you drive, how many red carpet events you go to etc. etc. or you "ARE A NON-F'N FACTOR". Meaning you are useless, irrelevant, unnecessary, and so forth.

Having worked in the music industry I know that world all too well. I was up close and personal with it. People would have probably clamored to get the kind of opportunities I have had. To be in the room with superstars and see the glitz and glamorous behind the scenes things. However, that is another story for another day.

Now, my husband who is not a basketball player attended a red carpet event in one of my jobs. I will never forget it because everybody who was ANYBODY was there! Alicia Keys, Le Bron James, Donald Trump, Serena Williams, Chrisette Michelle, etc. etc. etc. You name it, they were there. So my husband comes and I am introducing him to some of these celebrities and he is like "Oh. Hi. How are you doing?" in a real non-challant way and I'm like "really?"

Apparently to him they were a NON FACTOR...

Now, I am not saying that I wanted him to be like OOOOHHHH, AAAHHHHH, OMG! But I was like you get a chance to get up close and personal with people you only see on T.V. and it's as if it's nothing.

Now personally, I am super social especially when I have a job to do so I made my rounds and connects for my job. However, I know by being in that world that it is mostly smoke and mirrors and everything is not always what it seems.

I am unfortunately reminded of the smoke and mirrors every time I watch "Basketball Wives".

I remember watching the first season when Evelyn Lozada talked about how she was in a relationship for ten years and was engaged only to end up not making it to the alter. She said that she had this basketball boyfriend, a nice house to live in, a nice car to drive, and lots of Louis Vuitton, but she lacked love. Now she is with Chad Ochocinco.

At the time, I thought that was the truest statement I may have ever heard from her. I am not saying that some of these women don't truly fall in love with a super rich successful man and vice versa, but statistically what you end up hearing about are a lot of stories about fame and fortune gone wrong.

You see these super gorgeous women with these unattractive men with position and money and you kind of have a gut instinct on why they at least seem to be together. It is a trade off. Trophy wife for a glamorous lifestyle. What's love got to do with it really?

You might see the couples that really may have married for love only to have the baller husband get insecure(As I feel in my opinion may have been the case of Jennifer and Eric Williams). Basically the baller is fully aware that if his sition and/or money was gone the beautiful woman he wakes up to every morning probably wouldn't even be there... why? Because he would be a NON FACTOR like he was before the fame and fortune! So they end up cheating and doing whatever sabotaging the relationship.

Or there is the story of the girls the up and coming baller really loved in high school and got married to only to allow the pressures of the superficial world for which they live in, to blow up in their faces and cause them to question if the person they actually love is good enough for them by the Hollywood "red carpet" standards to be with only for them to needlessly end what was actually real.

Either case, it makes for an interesting life, or in this situation a television show with great ratings!

Personally, at this time in my life, I do not believe that who you hang with, what label is on your clothes, etc. defines you unless you have absolutely no substance. I only think those things can enhance you and that they attract people who want what you have or what you are perceived to have. Furthermore, if we are to keep it all the way honest most of the people that look like they have so much, really don't have nothing at all. I met someone recently who just meeting them you would never know they have a yearly salary of $800,000.00 and that doesn't even include the perks.

Since I was 14 years old and knew what being a virtuous woman was about via Proverbs 31:10-31, I knew I wanted a marriage of real love, mutual respect, grand aspirations, character, loyalty, etc. I feel I was blessed to achieve that.

Furthermore, being married takes work including understanding, dedication and unconditional love. Regular marriages alone are down by 40% when in the 1950's they were 78%! Mix those numbers in with trying to have a successful marriage with the regular normal pressures of life, extenuating family, and God forbid the sports and/ or music industry.

I read an editorial called "Weddings Vs. Marriage" http://uptownmagazine.com/2011/01/weddings-vs-marriage/ by Star Jones when she became editor at large of UPTOWN Magazine. She said she had this beautiful fabulous over the top wedding at a big huge historically respected church in NYC with all the trimmings. Every celebrity you could think of was there and the entire world knew all about her nuptials via Internet,magazines, and television. She said she even had a handsome groom and she was on top of the world. However, she said that she would have traded the entire affair in for one thing that would have meant more to her than all of that and all the gold in China. That one thing was true love. Sometimes the best things in life are free.

To some woman having everything means marrying a baller so they can be a FACTOR by certain standards and some women think that what really matters is having something real. I am the latter. What good is a dead end career if it is superficial and has no relevancy to your real life except stress and confusion? What good is a fake/bad romance with all the money and position in the world when you are left to feel empty inside? Does that make you a FACTOR and/or Relevant? The appearance of success? What does it profit a man to gain the world and lose his soul?

Some people want it all but I don't want nothing at all if ain't real baby- Cause ain't nothing like the real thing..... Anything that is not real in my life at the end of the day is a NON FACTOR B!

That's my word!

Venus- AKA Mari

P.S. I am looking forward to hearing your thoughts....

MY FUNNY VALENTINE

2011-03-01T19:59:00.000-08:00

Ok. I know what you're thinking..... Valentine's day was quite some time ago to be writing about it now.

I do understand that, but I am just now getting the time to sit down, and share my story with you. Calia keeps us on our toes and when we are not on our toes we are at work. That's how it goes down when your a parent in the NYC.

Oh well, but enough of that. My last post was about how we did the Dr. Oz show and my journey to getting healthy and losing weight post pregnancy. So far that has been going good. I am able to fit some of my old clothes again, but I still have a way to go. I am on Weight Watchers and it has literally changed my life! I am starting to post video's to my Facebook page about my experiences and we are going back to the Dr. Oz show this month. So we will keep you posted on that soon enough.

Right now, I want to tell you a personal story about Valentine's Day weekend and tell you why this Valentine's day was so extra special.

Last year on Valentine's day I was pregnant with Calia. About three months to be exact. I had just left a position at a celebrity organization and my husband and I were planning to spend a nice romantic/ sentimental inexpensive evening together. After all, we had a lot to celebrate. Another year of happily married life, and the expectation of a baby on the way. We felt truly blessed.

Just weeks before I had made a decision to leave this job and change my focus for a while. Although I admit it was a tough decision I know I made the right decision. However, I will never forget the day before Valentine's day I received the nastiest most bizarre e-mail I ever read before in my life. It was sent by " Sasha Fierce" and the subject was " Ugly B*tch". To this day I will never know why I even opened the e-mail up. I guess I was curious to see what this was about. I mean was it spam? Who would send spam like that? Beyonce??? Or some psycho wanna be Beyonce???? I didn't really know.

So I opened the e-mail and it was definitely meant for me since my name was in the e-mail spelled correctly and everything. So then I was really like....OK. As I read the message I felt like I had been stabbed in the chest because the words were so hate-filled. It basically said negative things about me but then this person cursed my unborn child. That set me off. I was numb and frozen for a min and then I gave it to GOD.

I must say, when someone goes to the extent of going out of their way to disrespect and curse something that is a precious gift- an innocent life, that is beyond imaginable. It was so vivid to me because it took a lot for me to block that situation from my mind. I mean my child wasn't even born yet. We didn't even know that we were having a little girl yet. It was completely disturbing and hurtful. Whoever this was knew I was having a baby and they were really trying to get at me for some reason. I mean I must have really upset them somehow. I went over it again and again trying to figure out who was possessed enough to do something like that.

Once I got over it, I managed to go on and enjoy Valentine's day, but I never forgot about that incident.

As you know, when Calia was born we were so happy and so thrilled that we had received such a precious gift. One thing we had decided to do was to have her blessed at our church.

Personally, I wanted to have her blessed when she was still quite small because the pastor lifts her up and I wanted to be sure she was light enough to be lifted up. The other issue was having family and friends there to be apart of the event so we could share in it together and enjoy it all. We wanted a time when all who wanted to come would be able to. My husband and I attend a historical and internationally known church in Harlem. We knew whatever we decided to do, we would have to take a class to gain the full understanding of what the blessing ceremony was about. Therefore, we had to factor that as well into the equation of the time frame that Calia would be blessed.

Eventually, it came to be that the designated day Calia would be blessed would be the day before Valentine's day.

I really didn't realize it until all the sudden as the date approached I was reminded of the message that was sent to me on that same exact day the previous year. So as you can see, when we marched down the isle with Calia in her blessing gown with one of her Godmother's and the Reverend lifted her high in the air for her blessing it was like healing water flowed over my soul.

It was so amazing although I must admit Calia was miserable in that get-up. When it was over she was ready to take that contraption of a dress OFF!

It was truly a lovely blessed day! I was so touched to see the friends of mine that came out to share the moment with us and Calia's two grandmothers came up and spent time. After the ceremony, we went out to dinner where another friend sang her heart out with a live band and to this day, I think it was one of the most special times I have had in my life.

Now. when it comes to Valentine's day.... that's the funny thing. You know that's when you want to get all lovey dovey smoochy smoochy. But I can't say it went down like that at all!!! First of all, Valentine's day when you are a parent can be a whole other thing! LOL.

My husband had flowers delivered to my job and I had a special custom made basket sent to his ( wink wink) LOL. But with baby in family in the house all I can remember is sipping rose and watching the reunion of the Real Housewives of Atlanta and laughing hysterically at NE NE saying "Bloop Bloop Bloop Bloop" LOL! HAHAHAHA!

So there you go!

That is the story of my blessed and funny Valentine. Never a dull moment. Well. until next time which is the best time!

Love,

Mari

FLAWS AND ALL

2011-01-09T22:39:00.001-08:00

WELL!!! Happy New year People! Obviously we've been a little busy over the holidays! But the Holidays are such a time for togetherness, reflection, and love.

As many of you now know, I recently went on the Dr. Oz show with Chris and Calia. That was fun and interesting all at the same time. I was majorly embarrassed to discover that I weighed more than I thought my body was capable of!!! I mean when Dr. Oz said what I weighed and then said " You are obese" I wanted to pass out!!! I NEVER weighed that much before, and never thought I would/could!! But when you keep eating in excess whatever you want and you use pregnancy as an excuse...that is what happens!!

Having trouble losing your baby weight? Dr. Oz has a diet plan that will help you slim down without going hungry. Learn how losing just a few pounds...

As I watched the show I remember just thinking, I know ppl from college who saw it were probably like DAAAAAAAANG along with my other friends, haters and whatnot. But I am one to keep it real. So it is what it is.

I went on the show so I could do something about it. I mean they literally called me out of the blue on the VERY day I told my husband I was committed to changing my life/ health/ body. I literally couldn't take it ANY MORE It's one thing to say I need to lose weight and a whole other thing to actually put action behind it and do what you gotta do. So needless to say, this situation makes me HAVE to do what I gotta do. I cant go back there in the same or similar condition!!!!! I have something to prove now!! Besides, After Calia and I met Jennifer Hudson, and saw how good she looked I was really energized!!

Seriously though, since I had the baby I have been through a bit of an identity crisis. This is not something just unique to me. My life changed, my body changed, everything changed in one instant!!! Thousands of mothers go through this. It is a growth and adjusting process. I love being a mom, and my baby was worth EVERY decision I made to make sure she would be a healthy happy baby. But having a baby is NO JOKE! It's a new year and I am a 32 year old woman re-defining/adjusting into who I am now that I am a mother and a wife and a woman getting back into career building mode. That is a trip! I am sometimes in awe of how far I have come in my life and then I shudder to think... what's next......

I have to admit I feel incredibly blessed. Blessed to have a beautiful healthy baby girl that is growing and developing in amazing ways, and truly blessed to have such a loving wonderful and supportive husband.

I often think back to my Hampton University days and how I knew in my heart when I met Chris he was the one, but the fact is that years later I still can't believe that we got together and are where we are right now at this moment in time. As parents and as a loving married couple making it happen in the big city of New York.

One thing I must really say about marriage is when you make up in your mind to be with someone, there is very little you can hide when they are the first person you see in the morning and the last person you see at night. Everything that you used to have that was private is known and seen between the two of you. They see the train wreck in the morning, the mood swings in the afternoon, when you look your worst, when you are your best- THEY SEE .....EVERYTHING! Flaws and ALL. There is no hiding a THING.

Through my pregnancy when I was blowing up like a balloon, he treated me like a queen. When I had the baby and still wasn't quite back to normal he kept encouraging me and letting me know I was still the love of his life. Every Flaw and issue I have had he has shown me so much love and that is amazing. Now everyone may say.. that's what its SUPPOSED to be like. I agree that it is, but I have learned in life that things are not always what they are supposed to be and all that glitters is not gold. But when you get someone who will catch you when you fall, respect you flaws and all that is a feeling a million bucks can't buy.

I recently read an article by Star Jones who is the new editor in chief of UPTOWN magazine. She said she had a fabulous and fierce wedding down to the designer gown, the cathedral church, the celebrity all star attendees, and a who's who wedding party. But she said ..... she would trade it all in for a marriage full of love that was built to last. It's all good when times are great and going good, but when times get hard and everything is not perfect and beautiful the question is will it go the distance?

When you find that you are no longer a size 5, and that you are looking less and less like you did at 19 and 20 something when you started dating, and you know for a fact that your husband is still loving you despite the beautiful available and sexy women in the city of 8 million ppl, that is what you call priceless.

I have come to realize that there are few things in life that really matter at the end of the day. It's not celebrity, status, money, keeping up appearances, or keeping up with the Jones'. It's keeping it real with yourself and doing what you need to do to be where you want to be. It's building a solid foundation and a legacy for your children and accomplishing that by keeping God in the front and center of your life because it is through him that ALL things are possible. After all, he is the original one who loves us flaws and all. Although we don't deserve it his love is unconditional!

So this New Year I realize how far I have come and where I need to go. Being a good mother, wife, losing weight and getting my other flaws in order. I will never be perfect, but it is all coming together bit by bit, piece by piece, and day by day--- and it's all good!

2010-11-04T14:42:00.000-07:00

OK. SO.... Where do I begin?? Between being a new mom who is avidly changing diapers, giving baths, changing clothes, etc. etc. Being a wife trying to find time to wash dishes, wash clothes, keep the house clean, cook, take care of baby and still look cute and be sexy when I can barely fit what is in my closet and when I am covered in throw up.... Add in career woman who is working beyond full time from home to grow a Harlem business which means making calls, organizing, setting up arrangements, keeping up with what is going on etc. etc... I'm like whew. Not to mention trying to be a good friend and keep up with my family I now know why the coined the phrase " super woman" although I feel I am FAR from that!

First I felt unpretty and un attractive. That hurt when I felt like now that I have had a baby will my husband even care to look at me the way he did when we were dating or how he did when I slimmed back down to a size 5? I was all concerned about having a happy baby and being a good mom, but not losing myself in the snot and slime and throw up that accompanies it. I wanted to stay sharp in my mind able to stomp with the big business dogs of NYC if you will. In New York City Life, I wanted to still meet up with my friends and chuckle with them ( which many of them have come to visit me and Calia of course) and last but not least I wanted to get some SLEEP!! Which is soooooooooooo underrated, by the way. It feels so good just to SLEEP!! Thankfully Calia has learned to sleep through the night!

I have to say I have learned a lot in this experience. How things change for better or worse and how to adjust and so forth. But I gotta say- HATS OFF to the single moms!!! If I didn't have Chris.... I really don't know what I would do. He is my personal hero making sure that all things are taken care of financially, emotionally, and spiritually. GOD could not have blessed me with a better man to spend my life with. As you all know he is full of jokes but I'm still gonna have to get on him for his little blogs about me being spoiled and whatnot.... mmmmmhmmmmm. Don't even get me started on HIM! But he is in there in the trenches with me, tired from working and still reading "Mufaro's Beautiful Daughters" with an African Accent and everything! LOL

Calia is such a precious part of our lives now and she is my personal little miracle.Some of you know my story of how I had been through two miscarriages and when Calia came along it was my wake-up call to get out of putting my celebrity enhanced career first and realize what really and truly mattered. Now when I look at my baby girl and she smiles I know I made the right decision. Even when she cries her eyes out I know I made the right decision.

Even our church family has shown so much love and it means so much to live the life we live with a baby in the grand NYC!

Now all we need to do is join the Rent is too D*** High party and figure out how we are going to afford a caretaker at $500.00 a week( I mean really?)

Things will come together. God has brought us this far and I don't think he will leave us yet.

The first Try(Me)ster of parenting: Where's the love?

2010-11-03T22:51:00.000-07:00

What’s up blog followers! Yeah, I know it’s been a loooooooong time and y’all probably saw the notice and said,” I thought they stopped doing it.” Well not exactly, I guess you can say we’ve been busy and the times that we weren’t busy we were too tired to think -let alone write. Ok, now that I have given my excuses let me get started.

I did not get the notice that our little bundle of joy would come with such a strong set of lungs. I mean, when this girl gets worked up she screeeeeeaaaaaaams!!! I’ve never seen anything like it you would think a little person that is less than two feet tall would have a little voice. Ooooh no, this girl is auditioning to play a white girl in a scary movie. Another thing is I don’t understand how she can do it for so long. Don’t babies ever get hoarse, laryngitis/lose their voice? –somebody, anybody help me! Okay, I know it comes with the territory. Can I let y’all in on a little something? Now, don’t get mad at me and think that I’m insensitive towards my baby, but sometimes I can’t help looking at her while she’s screaming and just start cracking up. I don’t mean to laugh at my poor child, but she screams like it’s “bloody murder”
and often it’s all because she’s being held at a 60 degree angle when in fact she wanted to be held at a 65 degree angle. Seriously, I sometimes think she has a little stopwatch hidden to time how fast we will react when she starts crying. If we’re not making adequate progress she’ll turn the volume up an extra decibel. You may laugh but I’m serious…these little babies have us all fooled when in fact they are all little geniuses. Think about it… a baby’s little brain can process more simultaneous information than you or I could ever imagine. I’m just saying those little babies on the E-Trade commercials are only the tip of the iceberg. I’m telling you those little boogers are running things from the world market to the black market.

Now, what has become of my wife and I post-baby. Well, to our family my wife and I are no longer valid. My aunt has concurred that people no longer care what’s up with us; it’s all about the baby. While I wish I had a counter-argument her synopsis is in fact true. Case-in-point, now when the phone rings the conversation typically goes like this:

Me: Hello

Person: How’s the baby?

Me: She’s fine. I was going to…

Person: What’s she doing?

Me: She’s sleeping right now. You know I’ve been meaning to tell you…

Person: How long has she been sleep?

Me: About 20 minutes now. But guess what? Do you remem…

Person: Well, that’s good she’s getting her rest. You be sure to give her a kiss for me. *click*

Me: Hello, hello, hello

It is great that everyone is so excited and in love with the baby, but dang what about meeeeeeeee?

Outside of infancy there is never a more honest time in life. If you gotta burp, you burp; if you gotta fart, you fart; if you gotta booboo, you booboo -side note- why is it when a baby takes a crap you feel the need to refer to it as a booboo? Anyways, speaking of booboos I have never seen anything like it. I never knew it was possible to get it all out in one violent thrust. I promise the spontaneous combustion that occurs in this little baby girl’s diaper is epic! I’m almost certain if I could instant replay her booboos it would show that the force of her booboo projects her little body into the air. I’m not talking 42” vertical leaps, but there is a slight moment of levitation.

My wife has been a trooper throughout the entire process; from pregnancy, to birth, to arrival she has been amazing. I shared with her that before we got married my one area of concern was how she would be as a mother. Hey, hey, hey for those of you that know my wife really well you would have a moment of wonderment about this issue also. I mean to put it simply my wife has lived a spoiled life that has caused her to be a bit more skewed to the selfish side.
Over the years, as our relationship has progressed, she has definitely shed much of her single minded ways; but selfishness is like the chickenpox –even though the initial onslaught of the virus has been contained and mostly eradicated, it remains with you for life. Seriously, motherhood has turned my wife into an even more amazing, all-giving, and loving woman. Sometimes I just sit back and watch her interact with Calia and I almost want to shed a tear -hold on let me bring my macho back- I ain’t no punk so I don’t cry! To see my wife and baby together is one of the most beautiful displays of love in its purest form. I’ve always heard that when your wife has your child it intensifies the way you feel about her. I already thought I was deeply in love with her, but something about her having my child provides a somewhat different type of love in addition to the already existing deep love. Hopefully, that makes sense because it’s hard to explain.

So what has life been like with a fresh new human being amongst us you ask? Life has been fantastic!!! All parents say it about their baby –even though y’all know as much as I do that not every parent should say it…Chris be nice- but she is the most beautiful, precious baby I have ever laid eyes on; even if my eyes are half-way open because she decided to test the lungs out at 4:30 a.m. I guess one thing I can say about parenthood is you never know until you know. My mother told me many times that I could not imagine how much and deeply she loved me and my brothers until I have my own children and only then would I understand. Mom, you were absolutely right! The feeling is hard to put in words because no matter how passionately you speak on it or how many adjectives you use there is simply no translation. We’ve been blessed to hold a miracle/gift from God in our arms. When I look at her -ok, I stare at her rather intently…almost stalker-like- I have this feeling of adoration and what’s so special is she looks back at me with the same adoration…or maybe she’s thinking, DANG, TAKE A PICTURE! I prefer to think it’s the former. Our journey and family is just now beginning and I can’t imagine nor would I want to change my life for anything.

Until next time folks, peace.
P.S. Don’t forget to sign on as a follower of our blog. Who knows you may give us the push we need to write more frequently.

Labor Pains

2010-08-19T20:01:00.000-07:00

So Since my wonderful husband got to write his account of the day our beautiful baby girl came into the world... It's my (Miss Venus) turn. Afterall, it is my baby's 1 week birthday. As I am on the mend, let me start by saying I DON'T KNOW HOOOOOW IN THIS WORLD THESE YOUNG WHIPPER SNAPPER TEENIE BOPPERS POP THESE KIDS OUT LIKE IT'S NOTHING!

I mean really, when I started feeling the REAL contractions that make you feel like you need to take a BIG HUGE shadubie of your life I realized that GOD was really mad at Eve for eating that apple.... This is truly brutal punishment every woman has to face all because of her AND I HAD AND EPIDURAL PPL!!!

So, it was Wednesday, August 11th my husband and I were sitting down watching " The Game". He was fresh out the shower cracking up at the show and I was texting on my phone to a friend that was hoping for me to have the baby early so I could get out of my misery. The baby was due August 22nd so I technically had about 11 more days to go. As I was telling her I was going to march up the steps the next day I felt a big POP in my belly. I was like OMG... What was that, then I felt fluid coming, I raced to the bathroom and clear liquid comes out. At this time I hear Chris on the phone talking to his mom and I am like- " Um.. Chris I think my water broke!" He then puts his mom( who is a nurse) on speaker and she advises us to call the doctor.

We call the doctor and he tells us to come in right away. Now, I am calm during this time because 1, I am not feeling any pain and 2 I knew from watching Kourtney Kardashian give birth on her show that I had many hours before the baby was going to come out.

But we grabbed our pre-packed bags, some towels and get to the doctors office.

The assistants at the office were surprised that I was so calm. We sat down in the lobby and OMG this random guy starts having a looooooong discussion with my husband which by now I am getting the start of the contractions and I am in pain and I just want to tell this man to PLEASE stop talking my husbands head off because I am about to die of pain! But I guess in his own way, he was trying to get our mind off things, but sigh- anyway, right before the man almost got his head ripped off the doctor calls us back and confirms that I am in labor and my water broke.....As the water starts pouring allllll over the floor!

Now the fun REALLY starts as my husband takes me to the hospital and gets a wheel chair for me then proceeds to use me and the wheel chair as a bulldozer to run down anyone in our way. LOL I think we ran over about three ppl.

So I get to the maternity ward and there are about 5 women in labor right in the hallway. Chris had to run home to get some other things and pick my mom up from the airport right in time for the baby to come. My doctor called me in and must have some clout because they take me to a delivery room right away in room number 8. As soon as I get there I encounter a nurse from Hell. She seemed determined to make my first child delivery a horrifying and uncomfortable experience.

She wouldn't let me go to the bathroom, she asked me a million ridiculous questions with an attitude questions such as ( Is there anything you want to tell the social worker?) I wanted to say lady I don't know who you think I am, but I am NOT THE ONE TODAY! Moreover, she wanted to talk about how I was alone and even though I told her my husband was coming she just smirked and then proceeded to tell me that I could not get any pain medication ( epidural) yet... Just as I was about to kill her, my husband comes in to save the day. I gave him the signal and he knew the deal. But God intervened by sending us a WONDERFUL nurse five mins later who undid all the horror this ridiculous woman put us through.

After those shananagans our experience was beautiful....especially when I got my meds!!! I can't explain it, but when they gave me that shot I felt like I was floating on air. It was clear as the evening came about, that our baby was now going to take her time.

Long story short it took nearly 24 hours from the time we got to the hospital on Wednesday for our little girl to arrive on Thursday, August 12th at 1808 hours (6:08) on the 6th floor in room 8 for our baby girl to arrive.It;s hard to believe that just the week before I celebrated my birthday 8/7 and we celebrated our anniversary 8/8. We have truly been blessed.

I thank GOD for my wonderful supportive husband who was by my side the entire time we delivered our beautiful little girl!

Daddy's Little Girl..Ain't No Stopping Her Now

2010-08-13T01:25:00.000-07:00

Well the day that we have been waiting for is now upon us.

It all started with Mari sitting on the couch watching The Game and me fresh out the shower. I came to the living room, sat down for five minutes laughed at a few silly scenes, talking on the phone with my mother and then Mari says, “I think my water broke…oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh.” I was looking for a tsunami but that didn’t happen it just came down as trickles. So, I’m in the dark trying to figure out if this is really happening Mari is confused because she is uncertain if the water really broke how it was supposed to break Mari runs to the bathroom my mother is saying, “call the doctor, go see the doctor and tell him her water may have broke.” –thank you mom ;-). We grab bags and towels and head to the OB-GYN. He checks her out and says, “It’s happening from here I want you guys to head to the hospital and I’ll see you there.” We followed the doctor’s orders.

I took Mari to the hospital and wheeled her upstairs to the birthing unit. Ran back down to the car and drove home. I went to the Caridad to grab some food. Made it home to drop the car off and took a cab back to the hospital. As I rode in the cab I called some family and friends to let them know that it was going down –literally. Funny thing is some of my friends knew the news before I even opened my mouth. For example, I call my homeboy Jason and greet him with,” yeah man it looks like the baby girl is going to be here early tomorrow morning only for him to respond with ‘yeah, I know I saw Mari’s status on Facebook saying that her water broke’. Now how crazy is that? Wifey is sitting in the hospital hallway giving a John Madden play by play on her phone…stealing my thunder. Technology what are you gonna do?

Hours later

Owwwwww! That one belonged to me. Mari just squeezed the hell out of my hand because a contraction hit her. Mari asks, “Can I have some drugs NOW!” I’m looking at my hand ready to ask the same question. The doctor obliges her request. While they administer the epidural I have to leave the room. When I came back to the room and looked at Mari she looks like she can be the third wheel in a Cheech and Chong movie. The only thing missing was her saying to me in a raspy voice, “Now, that’s some good s@#*!” Drugs, drugs, drugs bad yet so good.

One whole day later

Finally, Mari has dilated to the needed 10 centimeters. Our doctor has been called and minutes later he is joining us in the delivery room. Because of my numerous years of watching television I feel that I am more than adequate to offer my assistance, “Come on baby push, push, puuuuuush!” Maybe I overstepped my bounds when I told the doctor I could grab an extra set of scrubs and some latex gloves, but I just felt the need to show that I didn’t want to cheer from the sidelines ‘put me in the game coach!’ I brought my cooking apron, spatula, and Pam grease because I had been planning to deliver our baby okay, okay, okay, maybe I didn’t do all that but basically what I’m getting at is that I was ready.

“Come on baby keep pushing you’re doing a great job!” and then I felt a tap from the doctor to take a look. I looked down and I could see the top of my baby girl’s full head of hair. She got that good hair too, shawty ain’t gonna need to get no weave until she like fo’ or figh –please excuse that moment of indulgent ignorance (you have to admit it was kind of funny, though). I digress… ok where was I? Oh yes, the top of my little girls head is now beginning to poke out of an area that I like to affectionately call my little big man’s utopia. To see this birth happening before my eyes is the most amazing, heavenly, Godly thing you could ever bear witness to. All the horror stories of the man passing out in the delivery room are bogus –at least in my situation. Even to my surprise I was not nauseous, faint, or anything of the sort. I was in the moment and then I suddenly see this little purple/lavender rubbery figure come out of my wife. Next, clamps are being placed the jumper cables connecting my wife and daughter and the doctor hands me the scissors and says, “here you go dad.” Most of the time all the credit, during delivery, is given to the woman, but now it’s my time to hold it down for the men…I have my golden moment to encapsulate all the hard work I did and… and… and… I blow it! I was supposed to be cool and snip the umbilical cord in one swift cut and what do I do? I snip and the doctor takes a look and has to say to me, “come on dad you’re gonna have to do better than that.” Yep, I had to double snip. I admit I lost a few cool points, but there wasn’t any getting me down. On August 12, 2010 at 6:08 p.m. Calia Li Yawn came into this world weighing 6 lbs. 14 oz. and standing –okay laying- at an intimidating 19 ¼ inches.

It is official y’all! Mari and I are the proud parents of a beautiful bouncing bundle of baby girl joy. All thanks be to God!

GREAT EXPECTATIONS

2010-07-13T20:29:00.000-07:00

MARI- VENUS

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. We got quite a response from our last blog on money
(which as you know is the number one cause of you know what)... ppl didn't really comment but we saw our blog hits go up and we got tremendous feedback from ppl like P-Rock and others!!!

When we started this blog we knew we wanted to keep it real and that has been interesting because for the most part we have but there are some topics we should talk about, need to talk about, but I gotta admit things can get very personal... But we will get to that soon enough~

Furthermore, the committment to keep blogs current and updated in a busy NYC life is challengeing especially when you are having a baby. I am now 8 months pregnant and since our last entry it has been all about work, baby showers, bloating, love and DRAMA!!!!

Mostly, we have been very busy preparing for our little girl. The first shower that almost didn't happen was held in my hometown of Canton, Ohio (aka Hall of Fame City). It was held at the Musuem of Art by Chris' mom and aunts with beautiful floral arrangements by Pat (a well known person in Stark County). It was beautiful but having that shower was so important because having our baby girl was a long journey. There was pain of two losses (misscarriages) which when I found out about this pregnancy, it made me put things into perspective REAL QUICK. See I was starting to get a little too caught up in NYC work career and the celebrity world of smoke and mirrors and around Thanksgiving when I found out I was pregnant I had to see what was truly and really important. That is why it was so important to know what matters most.

Don't get it twisted I intend to have a wonderful career and be a mom and wonderful wife, but I will not put things (status, money, affiliation, so called friendships and careers) before my family. When God has blessed you with a wonderful husband that loves you, has integrity and is a strong support and when God has given you a chance to make the right decisions you can't take it for granted.

So it was important to realize what mattered most in life and to celebrate the life of our first born in grand style. Our loved ones, friends, and family came together to celebrate a new life, a new New Yorker- because if she can make it here, she can make it anywhere. In NYC it was so special to have so many ppl at our home to spread love in our home with and celebrate with us.

Our baby girl was blessed with love, gifts (closet of clothes) toys, diapers, money, a stroller, messages of love for her time capsule to read later in her teen years, and an extra special gift from Tiffany's. Her name "Calia Li" means beautiful strength because that is what it took for her to come into being.

So our baby girl has loving parents, a great community, and is well provided for to come. Trust me... I am ready with my belly as big as the MOON.

I have my set of fears...Like to be honest, I hope I don't lose my identity as a woman with goals and aspirations. I don't just want to be about diapers and bottles.
I want my husband to see me still as a sexy hot woman mother of his child and not think of me as a mommy but a HOT mama!

I want to have a great relationship with my daughter. One that is nurturing and securing to her so she can accomplish all her goals and dreams.

I want to be able to continue a strong happy life full of happiness.

I want to lose all this weight in good enough time so I can feel like myself or better than myself before I became pregnant.

So we are on our way to expecting a great thing! A baby girl. A new New Yorker! It is a happy time but also a challenging time... I mean having a baby in the city can be expensive too!!! But I think we are ready for the challenge. It a few short weeks I will be on a table with my body torn in half and then it will be all about poopy diapers and bottled milk! We shall see. Stay tuned till the next episode.

The life and times of being married to Debo: “That’s my money punk!”

2010-05-30T08:53:00.000-07:00

Chris:(Mars)

Ok, y'all guess whose bizack... Don't let the clip fool you into believing I just bully stuff from the wife because that is not the case atall (that's not a typo it's pronounced at-ull). The reality is that I am the victim here.

Money, money, money, monaaaay...The issue here is money and the ability to hold on to it for a rainy day...hell I'm not even talking about a storm, "Mari, baby can we just hold on to some money for a drizzle?" My wife... bless her heart does not know how to have acccess to money. If she knows that there is money in excess of us having the ability to make sure there is food on the table, she feels the need to spend the excess so that we can "pretend" our way into the next pay period. We've lived pretending that checks we write won't get cashed until more money is in the account... we've pretended to be confused when a merchant has said our debit card is not going through -y'all know the scene when the merchant says,"I'm sorry ma'am your card is not going through" and as though you resent the fact that he would of even come at you like that you pretend like their machine is broke..."Excuse me? That can't be right, please try it again, uh-huh."

Why, why, why is it so hard for this lovely woman -my wife- unable to manage money??? Why is she not able to understand that if you buy everything in the store it really doesn't make a difference that there is a sale? Why is she under the impression that she must have an 'outfit' that looks 'cute' for every occasion? Why is it she believes living in New York City means she is privy to every store in New York City? Why is it that because she has a job she feels like she can spend "her money" as she feels and not have to worry about the expenses of OUR household?

Mari (Venus):

Sigh, I mean really?? What I am to say to this?? First of all I work hard for my money honey ans although it's not as big as the bacon my husband brings in right now, its still money!

All the women who are independent- Throw your hands up at me!!! I am used to the shoes on my feet- I bought it, clothes I wear- I bought it. Now I gotta shop and sneek my shoes and clothes in the house ....although I can't even do that because I got my husband AKA Deebo looking at the joint account keeping up with what I am doing.... OK. OK. I admit I am no Suzie Orman, my papi, my mom, my dad everyone can tell you that, but hey I am as some may say high maintenance and by high maintenance I mean I like to look nice! I don't even get my hair done anymore and I stopped getting my nails done too! I mean I have friends who are HIGH MAINTENANCE FOR REAL! They get their hair, nails, toe nails done PLUS they go to the spa and get facials on the regular!! Most of the time the men in their lives are paying for it by the way.... But see how things change when you are married... All I am asking for is a few outfits with my little earnings and I even shop at H&M It's not like I'm at Gucci! I mean... can a girl look halfway decent?? I mean you know how you were feeling me before we got married?? I want you to still look at me and be like- There goes my baby! Why do I have to look busted to save $5.00 as paid as you are Dr. Professor Christopher D, is for Deebo Yawn!

I know I need to contribute to the fold or the household and I do!! But since I only make so much I should get to pay the little grocery, cell phone, tv, electric bill stuff, You want the full rent out my little earnings!!! This isn't no little $600.00 rent..... we talking NYC 4 digits a month rent!! That's like half my check and sometimes more....

Now when I was me myself and I, I must admit I cut some corners and I might have been a little hood rich but I did what I had to do.

Chris (Mars)

You know I continue to have a difficult time understanding it. So, I decided to put in motion a method to help her slightly understand what our monthly expenses are. I decided to write a check from the bank account she deposits her employment checks into for paying our monthly rent. Boy, oh boy, oh boy did she have a fit. You would have thought I was at a black womens' convention and said that we are no longer accepting weave from India. This woman -my lovely, beautiful wife- commences to tell me that she doesn't hardly make any money and using that account to pay rent would leave her broke! I proceeded to let her know, "Yeah, I know the feeling. As a matter of fact I've been knowing the feeling, for a while now, of having your entire paycheck gone before you even receive it!"

Mari(Venus):

UMMM so allow me to clarify a few things.. 1st I am not a weave from India chick. As a matter of fact I wish I could afford that luxury. soooo thanks Chris Rock..LOL But no lessons need to be lead here other than all we had to do sweetheart was sit and talk... Every time we do that by the way... we will agree on an amount that will be taken from my account, and then somehow it turns into much much more..... Oh and by the way can I get a notice of when this money is coming out of my account rather than a surprise when I go to the ATM only to find out that there is less money in the account than I thought....This is why many married women set aside separate accounts. SO WE CAN HAVE SOME OF OUR MONEY!!! At least some of it dang! I also set up a little account for the baby so if he wants to trip when I buy her a little outfit he can't... I mean come on.. Furthermore, I admit I can go crazy when I shop but when your pregnant and can't fit your clothes without looking like the incredible hulk busting out everywhere... what is a woman to do? Be reasonable geeze. Need I remind you that you make three times as much as me Mr. PH.D?

Look, I know we have goals, we want to buy a home, get our baby(ies) through college and whatnot, and we need to plan. We are not doing so bad so far, we have 401K Plans, we have several savings accounts ( yours, mine, ours, baby girls) We have securities, for 31 years old we are not doing too bad. I feel you but I still want to maintain and look and feel as good as I did when we dated. I want to be able to go out and not look wack! Can I have that? I mean can I get a percentage GOLDIE? I don't need to feel like I have a pimp! That is not what this is about, it's about love and building wealth and we can still do that and look and feel good and go to dinner and movies every now and then too.

Chris (Mars)

So, I guess you can say I wanted it to be a learning experience and to teach her a lesson. But the bottom line is this: when you enter into a marriage it is no longer my money or her money it really is our money. That is if you both came into the marriage with no real money. Now, if one member comes in with millions and the other comes in with tens that's a different story. But that wasn't us and I don't think that is the case for most. So you have to learn to lose that stingy edge that I think all of us are programmed to have in this capitalist world, and go back to the rule we learned when we were kids... sharing is caring.

IT"S BABY TIME!!!

2010-05-28T22:15:00.000-07:00

Date:
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Time:
2:00pm - 4:00pm
Location:
The Canton Cultural Center for the Arts in the Canton Museum of Art Courtyard
Street:
1001 Market Ave North
City/Town:
Canton, OH

Come Celebrate a **New** New Yorker! Because if She can make it here she can make it anywhere! RSVP Below!

If you can't make it call Nehlia Mc Intyre at 404-808-3637 to join the On- Line Party

Registrations are:

https://www.tiffany.com/Registry/View.aspx ( under Christopher D. Yawn)

http://www.target.com/registry/baby/3AT0UXX9KIZ7M

http://www.toysrus.com/registry/link/index.jsp?overrideStore=TRUS®istryNumber=45163573

http://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/regGiftRegistry.asp?order_num=11303859&wrn=-1220287792 ( under Mari Moss-Yawn and Christopher Yawn)

LOVE.... WHAT IS IT?

2010-05-13T15:28:00.000-07:00

Mari(Venus)

So I feel like starting with a Timbaland quote " It's been a long time, we shouldn't have left you with out a dope...." lol you know the rest. OK. OK that was reaching but... saying that to say being married in NYC life can be busy and so we are playing catch up on the blog. But you know, there is soooooooooo much stuff to talk about when it comes to relationships, marriage, especially love!! On the daily I write a blog in my head about what I am experiencing because it's almost like you have to be there to understand. We started this experiences to give people the scoop on what it is like to take that major step in a big city. But there is so much to tell. So, I have decided to start with the thing called LOVE.

Now obviously love is hard to describe... I mean in all actuality it is an experience that gives you a feeling and people react to it in different ways. Depending on your point of view or your age you may feel love is different from how I would describe it, but there are concrete definitions of this phenomenon called love.

I mean but really.. what is it?

People have different expectations when it comes to love... They think it is just about sex like if they are sprung on someone or if someone is just fine that's what turns them on (which by the way is why you have so many situations where various people marry a trophy for looks and then there is nothing there when the looks go away)...Some People get confused when it comes to realize the difference between love, lust, and infatuation. That is why understanding the difference is so important.

For example when I was younger my clique of girlfriend and I thought we would love a particular type. He had to be fine, built, and have money, and status- he had to be "cool". Then I grew and matured and realized there was more to the equation than that. It became a situation of a more mature definition love. That meant he had to be intelligent, be able to verbally stimulate my mind, have a life plan, respect me, he had to also be understanding, real, someone that could make me laugh and most importantly someone I could be myself with. Someone who shared my values and ideals and most of all reverenced GOD. But it takes experience, heart break, and whatnot to figure it out. You could go through some real bull crap before you get to the real deal.

What I learned about love I learned from my family and especially my grandfather. My Grandfather- Adam Benjamin Thompson aka PAPI never EVER told anyone as far as I know that he loved them. At least he never told me (except one day he did but that is another story for another time). However, I knew my grandfather loved me because of his actions! He always had my back. He fed me, clothed me, gave me whatever I needed when I needed it (sometimes that means he spoiled me but whatever!). He was always there for me. That is how I literally learned that actions speak louder than words from PAPI. My mother was much different. She told you she loved you at least ten times a day, and would give an over abundance of hugs and kisses. So, I became a combination of both.

Now, my husband is the ultimate depiction of love to me right now because despite the fact that I am a big bellied pregnant beast that snores so loud he can barely get a wink of rest, he still tells me I am beautiful, sexy, and helps cook and clean when I can't even think to lift a pot or pan. It kinda makes me feel bad sometimes, but I am grateful for what I have.

There is a book out now called "The Five Languages of Love" by Dr. Gary Chapman. It talks about how we all have a different ways of expressing and showing our love to one another, and if we don't understand how to show love in the right way to the people we re in a relationship with..... it can be a bust! It gives an assessment and a breakdown on what it really is to show and speak the language of love. It even tells you what your style of love is so you can know how you operate.

When people try to define love they often quote the bible scripture from 1st Corinthians... love is patient love is kind. etc. but there are MANY scriptures about love and some of them even get sexual.... so I am going to end here by posting these scriptures, but I want to continue this and find out what you think love is truly about.

Genesis 29:20
So Jacob worked seven years to pay for Rachel. But his love for her was so strong that it seemed to him but a few days. (NLT)

Proverbs 5:19
A loving doe, a graceful deer—may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love. (NIV)

Proverbs 10:12
Hatred stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs. (NIV)

Proverbs 13:24
Those who love their children care enough to discipline them. (NLT)

Proverbs 15:17
A bowl of vegetables with someone you love is better than steak with someone you hate. (NLT)

Proverbs 17:9
Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it separates close friends. (NLT)

Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (NIV)

Proverbs 30:18-19
There are three things that amaze me—
no, four things that I don’t understand:
how an eagle glides through the sky,
how a snake slithers on a rock,
how a ship navigates the ocean,
how a man loves a woman. (NLT)

Song of Solomon 1:2
Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— for your love is more delightful than wine. (NIV)

Song of Solomon 2:16
My lover is mine, and I am his. (NLT)

Song of Solomon 4:10
How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice! (NIV)

Song of Solomon 8:6
Place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. (NIV)

Song of Solomon 8:7
Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned. (NIV)

John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (NIV)

1 Corinthians 13:1-8a and 13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails....And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (NIV)

Ephesians 5:25
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. (NIV)

Ephesians 5:33
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. (NIV)

Colossians 3:14
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. (NIV)

1 Peter 4:8
Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. (NIV)

1 John 3:16
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers. (NIV)

1 John 3:18
Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth. (NIV)

1 John 4:8
Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. (NIV)

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. (NIV)

Finally, Why Did I Get Married Too -reviewed...better late than never

2010-04-28T00:21:00.000-07:00

Hello err’ body… Okay so I guess it’s been a long time coming for writing this movie review for Tyler Perry’s Why Did I Get Married Too. Maybe it’s a good thing that I took a long pause before writing it? True, the movie isn’t as fresh on the mind, but in a way that may be better because it doesn’t allow me to provide a jaded opinion that it was a great movie because of the $25 cover. In retrospect, the movie was decent...it was entertaining and I enjoyed it but it wasn’t a great movie. Despite a somewhat surprising ending it did not stray too far out of line with what we have come to expect to see at a Tyler Perry film.

The characters in the movie remained the same, which makes for good chemistry amongst the cast. The issues from the first movie escalated and carried over. Marcus and Tasha provide the comedic element that a Tyler Perry movie without Madea needs. Their relationship was filled with over the top jealousy rages by Tasha. Though, her antics were needed and provided the comic relief needed for the movie it was still part of the same vein of jealousy that I think –dare I say- all women have. All of the sudden I feel the need to tread carefully. But seriously, I think all women have a “lioness protection of the home” trait about themselves. Whether it’s an attractive female her man used to date, or an attractive female her man works with, or an attractive female who is a neighbor, an attractive woman who is the waitress, an attractive woman who works at the local market, an attractive woman who –you get the drift. . . ALL women –to a degree- want to “mark their territory” and let their man know I got my eye on you. Whether it’s a snide remark they’ll make toward another woman that translates into, “Female dog I’ll kick your gluteus maximus” –imagine if it were said like that :-) or a “joke” they make with their man about the unsolicited attention he is receiving from other women, it all stems from the same vein of jealousy. Suddenly Music Soulchild comes to mind “I’m not to blame for the pain that was caused by previous games”

Do dudes do that?

Well, I can only speak from the perspective of a distinguished gentleman, such as myself who lives by the rules of the game. I don’t get all huffy puffy if other men are sizing my woman up and I don’t get upset if my wife tells me about men on the street who tried to holla at her. To me it’s doesn’t do anything but further validate that I have an amazingly beautiful wife. While I do not need such validation that’s the way I view stuff like that. In addition to all that I trust my wife. Now, with all that said I won’t stand for another man disrespecting me by hollering at her when she is clearly with me or trying to give her flavor when I’m not around and he knows that she is my wife… Bottom line is she “chose me” :) what y’all know about Goldie?

I digress.

Tyler Perry and his wife’s story is somewhat dull, but at the same time speaks to an issue that is interesting - emotional cheating. Tyler Perry plays the husband who is a good dude that takes care of the kids and brings home the bacon –but apparently not the beef. He has a wife who imagines being with another man to enjoy sex with her husband. If we view their relationship through the lens of the first movie he’s still the boring, good husband who seems undercover. She is still the selfish wife who believes her needs should come first; whether it’s being a no-holds-bar working woman or a I want to hold-THAT-bar thinking woman. I think the underlying issue of emotional cheating is an interesting topic of discussion that maybe we’ll get into on a future blog.

Now, we have Jill Scott, Troy and Mike. While Jill Scott’s acting skills aren’t anything to write home about I think one aspect of her character is something we all have/do. That’s carry old baggage from past relationships into new ones. Or better yet allow baggage from old relationships shape our behavior and how we view new relationships –it only makes sense right? Our past experiences are what shape us and guide our thinking. Therefore, I think this is a trait that is so very common to us all. Let the truth be told, sometimes it’s all the reason for some to give up on relationships with the opposite sex, relationships period, or on themselves. I always say it and I really believe that you can’t have a solid relationship with someone else unless you’ve worked through your own issues, or are at least willing to allow your partner to work with you in working through your issues.
While Mike’s presence was the 800 pound elephant in the room, he didn’t deliver the same degree of unrelenting drama to this movie as he did in the first. Honestly, I think that that was a negative for the movie. Instead, he was diagnosed with cancer and played the reflective character that is apologetic for all the wrongs he did to Jill Scott. He reminds me of the song “You never miss a good thing til it’s gone.”

If there was a character in this movie that I felt I could closest relate to it was Troy. Not specifically, his situation, but that sense of pride and disappointment when you don’t fulfill your role as the breadwinner –at least to the degree that you would like to. I’m not sure that women fully get the amount of pressure we men place on ourselves to fulfill that role. We place so much pressure on ourselves that even when our woman is providing encouragement it initially feels degrading and insulting. We want to give our woman and our family the World and when we come up short it feels like failure. Where does that come from? How can you be a failure if you’ve provided unconditional love and been there? I don’t know… maybe this westernized mode of thinking has us hoodwinked…bamboozled…had.

Now, Janet Jackson and Malik Yoba or Patricia and Gavin really stirred things up. Essentially, “Perfect Patty” the control freak loses control. She let’s Gavin know they’ll be getting divorced in a shady manner. Gavin wants payback so he attempts to go after her money, she emasculates him. He dies. Then “The Rock” says “It doesn’t matter if your husband just died!” –sorry, only WWF viewers will understand- and makes “Perfect Patty” happy again. Yep, in a nutshell that’s really what happened. The story of these two came from left field for a couple reasons. First, the first movie left off with the impression that they worked things out or were in the process of working things out. Second, I don’t think anyone expected nor understood why things had to take such a dramatic turn. Although, I believe a little more thought could have been put into how their story was developed, I got it. The walk away lesson is you have to mend relationships and put things into perspective because no one is promised tomorrow. The way it played out was very un-Hollywood, but such is life.

I know that as a whole it seems like I’m hating on the movie, but I really DID enjoy it. It was just too many issues + too little time (+ a sprinkle of corniness) = a lot of cramming and underdevelopment of storylines, which resulted in a somewhat abrupt ending. Part of the reason I was stalling to write this blog was because the more I thought about the movie the more uninspired I was to blog about it. Talk about it…sure, but write about it…aarrgh. Mostly, I’m writing this blog because I said I would, so I feel obligated. In conclusion, I think my homeboy Damien said it best when he stated, “Tyler Perry has been in the game long enough to now expect more out of him.”

WHY CAN'T A SUCCESSFUL BLACK WOMAN FIND A SUCCESSFUL BLACK MAN

2010-04-22T12:29:00.000-07:00

Well! This was the hot topic of yesterday. First my friend had this discussion on her very popular blog talk radio show and then it re-appeared later that night on nightline with Steve Harvey and Sherrie Shepard in a very open candid discussion full of "real talk" and comedy.

Just the day before this, I was sitting in a publishing office boardroom meeting discussing how to turn a book into a NY Times best seller. Across from me sat two Italian American women. One old school and the other was a modern day Italian women. They were a mother daughter team that owned their own employment agency. They told a story of a young African-American woman who was a single mother of two and in desperate need of a job. They gave her an opportunity and taught her everything they knew. A few years later they hired a young man who was kind, handsome and happened to be white. The young lady came to them letting them know of her attraction to him. Before they knew it the two were dating and recently got married. He loved and accepted her kids and all. Even his very successful family fully accepted and took her in. I remember sitting there as they went on thinking to myself what a story!

Fast forward to the next day--So I am on the call to my friends popular blog talk radio show listening to the women tell story after story about how hard it was to have a relationship or find a good man. Some were single mothers, others were young professionals, even the host talked about her woes as a successful woman struggling to find the right match because some of the men she dated were intimidated by her success and therefore tried to control her. There were a few men on the call. One of them being a married man who happens to give really great advice and perspectives about relationships was giving women a lot of insight on why they might be going through what they go through. The conversation went from the issue of lowered standards to the struggles of overshadowing the man in your life with your own personal success.etc. etc. Then we got on making lists.

See, I have had a list(some may call this treasure mapping) since I was 14 years old because as a young lady who was born to a single mom, I took notes on what I wanted and did not want in relationships early on based on the marriages and relationships I saw around me. Then there is that thing you call "speaking it into existence". Low and behold my husband is exactly what I wanted on my list and MORE! But as I said on the call, there is no use in creating a list of what you want if you are not a list of what that person you are looking for would want! If you are a woman that is looking for a special kind of man you need to make sure you are that special kind of woman that is going to match his swag and represent him as well as he is going to represent you. That means dealing with your past issues and knowing who you are as person enough to have the confidence and know that you are worthy of the right kind of love. When I made my list at 14 I knew with my eyes wide open what I was looking for, but I also realized that I wanted to be a virtuous women as in Proverbs 31 that would be capable and worthy of the kind of love I wanted to receive.

So.....I really can't find myself identifying with women who say they can't find a "good man", because I never have really found myself in that situation. Oh, I have had my share of jacked up relationships, but I always was aware that there were good men around and I didn't have to take the crap I was getting and I could always keep it moving if need be. I can however "feel" and understand the pain of women who go through the pain of being trapped in a bad situation, but I feel like many of the women who are struggling in that way is because they are looking for love in the wrong places and attracting the wrong ones. For example if all I look for
are "ballers" or successful powerful men and overlook the potential men on the come up that are willing and wanting to have the chance to know me, then that is a case of reaping what you sow.

Many already successful men perceive that they can get any woman they want and usually take advantage of the situation often leaving beautiful women with a lotta Prada and no love. Case in point- Have you seen Basketball wives on VH1? Now THERE is the proof that "All that Glitters is not Gold" if I ever saw it. Women talking about how they basically have to deal with lonliness and their husbands cheating on them so they can maintain a lifestyle of caviar dreams and champagne wishes. Then in order for them to cope, they get with their other girlfriends who have the same problems as them and try to have a fabulous not too miserable time....

On the other hand so many women want to overlook the good man with potential just because they are too busy chasing Mr. Already Established so they can ball out of control and brag to the friends about their Mr. Wonderful who is probably a repeat offender ready to lay down this trophy and collect another one! It's like to get to the opportunity to love these women you have to "show them the money" first. If that is the majority of women out there that claim they can't find a good man then... no wonder...

As Hill Harper stated on the Nightline panel Sherrie Shepard saw him in Taco Bell when he was just a waiter riding the bus and she wouldn't approach him because he didn't have a car. She said "I'm riding the bus too!, How are we supposed to go out on a date with the MTA schedule?" But look at Hill Harper now!

Hill Harper also made mention of a young man who had no job and a successful woman who was a lawyer on her way to partner of the law firm went out on a date with him and not long after they became married he because the first black President of The United States of America. That was another story of a man with potential....HMMMM

See, all I am saying is perhaps women today are looking for love in the wrong places and trying to go about it in all the wrong ways. Instead of dealing with our own issues first we try to fix a situation into what we want it to be and instead of looking at love and potential we are looking for something that is already established and therefore dealing with the struggle that comes with it. It doesn't have to be the baller it could be the hard core thug we ran after because we "gotta have a ruffneck" or the smooth player operator....I am not saying that there are not cases of these situations working out for the better, but I am saying there are lots of discussions of women who are unhappy and struggling to find love, so maybe we need to look in the mirror and explore what the deal is to solve this equation. I'm going to end it on this note because in my life this is what I have found to be true-In Lauryn Hill's song- When it hurts so Bad she sings-

What you want might make you cry
What you need might pass you by
If you don't catch it
And what you need ironically
Will turn out what you want to be
If you just let it,

I can say that this is true. It's not about lowering your standards and not going after that " baller, smooth, slick, sexy, thug" It's about loving yourself enough to know and realize what you need and what you want and opening your heart to what is real and can potentially be the dream love and relationship you desire. Keep the faith ladies!

For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Dating Outside Their Race When Black Men Were Not Enough

2010-04-07T20:01:00.000-07:00

Mari(Venus):

I have a friend who was a magazine publisher for a popular magazine and now has a huge following on her website www.prettythoughtsofahotchick.com as well as a radio show. She talks about many issues women face and it gets interesting perspectives from her followers. It can get live on her show; for example, tonight when she picked a topic about black women being fed up with black men and choosing to date outside their race - that is EXACTLY what happened - IT GOT LIVE!

I'm not sure how many women were on the call that were fed up, but I think it was three with one black man to defend the brothers. It started off with the black women saying the following about black men:
-how ghetto they are
-how disappointed they were with them not taking care of their kids
-how they don't pay child support
-how they take women out on dates and keep track of drinks
-how they have the nerve to ask them for 1/2 the bill
-how they don;t treat them like the queens they are

Because of the poor treatment they experienced they were ready to date every other race but black. While I have to admit they seemed a little bitter, they had a few valid points.

For example, many black men have left black women holding the bag. From paying the bills, to taking care of the children, to the lyrics in many of the rap songs that degrade women -it seems like black men have lost responsibility, love, and most importantly respect for their women.

Just as the women were listing their issues with black men and proclaiming their undying love for white men who were the "ONLY men on earth that knew how to treat them right" the black male representative, Kwame had some statistics for them backed up with historical facts.

He said ladies you may feel like you can find love from white men, but the truth is only 1 in 400 white men will actually marry you. Historically black women were thought of as concubines and breeders and from slave owners to slave women like Thomas Jefferson and Sally Hemings, it was clear that black women have been little more than sexual fantasies of many white men.

Now, don't get me wrong there have been stories of love between black women and white men but, I like the statistic, think it may reflect the 1 in 400 number. However, you will see more interracial relationships between black men and women from other ethnic groups (which is another discussion for a another day and another reason why these women were so outraged).

In all the ruckus that was happening over the phone, I had to call. I didn't mean to have a "Chante's got a man at home" moment, but I wanted to give the women hope. Knowing that I have been blessed by GOD to have a strong, intelligent, responsible, loving black man I wanted them to know that maybe they were looking for love in the wrong places and to know that a man like Chris is not like finding an extinct species. These women however, were not trying to hear it, and they went to the ratio of black women to black men saying there are 2,000 more of us than them.

More callers called in angry at the women for giving up and sounding bitter. Even Chris clicked in to share his thoughts.

Chris(Mars):

Boy oh, oh boy, oh boy I'm telling y'all!!! If you could of heard these angry, bitter, unstable women (please notice how I've matured and didn't use the B word) it would have made perfect sense to you why they were all alone. First of all, none of them knew how to shut up so other people could talk. They made so much noise about how terrible black men were that one valid point about "going after love where you could find it, even if it means dating outside of your race" was lost. Again, I for one believe that's a valid point, but I don't think you have to dog all men (or women) from your own race because of your bad experiences. Additionally, if you spend 99.9% of your time dogging black men your valid point gets lost in translation.

Basically, I said that when I called in... okay, okay, okay I'm lying a little bit. Actually, I started my phone call off with "I really feel sorry for y'all..." it then took about 5 minutes for them to finish telling me "don't feel sorry for me...you can hang up the phone, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah" then I made my aforementioned point along with the point that often times you attract folks that mirror you -hence the expression birds of a feather flock together. Unfortunately, there were other calls so "my" time was up.

At the end the host did make a great point about how we need to do a better job learning how listen. Because the truth of the matter is that there is a great/valuable dialogue that can be had about the true underlying issues of why black men and black women struggle so much loving each other. Black love is possibly the most beautiful thing you can ever witness; but individually we have issues that we are too scared to confront and subsequently talk with each other about. So what happens? Our true thoughts, feelings and emotions -like during the phone call- get lost in translation.

Mari (Venus):

So, What do you all think about the matter? Keep it real, because I really want to know what you all think about this topic. Are there really still great black men out there ready to love and marry black women? Or is that too far and too few in between? Are those black women that were on the phone hopeless cases that may never find true love? Is dating outside your race necessary for black women to not end up desperate settling for less and alone? Are our people and our race doomed because of ghettoness and negative lyrical content in the music? I have 21 questions but you all get the idea- Speak your mind.

Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married Too... A review of the movie (goers)

2010-04-05T23:46:00.000-07:00

Chris:

This past weekend we went to see Tyler Perry's latest movie "Why Did I Get Married Too." Before I talk about the movie I have to provide a little context. First of all it's a Tyler Perry movie on opening day. So what does that mean? That means Black people across the nation will be flooding movie theaters. My people, my people, ohhh how I love my people... I just don't want to go to the movies with them. I knew that because we were going to see the movie that we were going see there would be no avoiding "us".

The plan was to go to a theater where there was less of a likelihood that we would act how we act (right now y'all are laughing or smiling because you know EXACTLY what I'm talking about). We went to a theater on 32nd & 2nd -sold out. We went to theater by Union Square -sold out. We called the theater on 34th -sold out. By this time it's getting late, so our options are decreasing. We make a phone call to Bay Plaza by Co-Op city in the Bronx and they still had seats available. So, we go ahead and buy a couple tickets over the phone.

Bay Plaza is one of those theaters that's cool if you go during the day time.

We made our way there and the parking lot was packed. I let Mari out to get our tickets while I drove around to find a parking spot. So far, everything is pretty much what you would expect.

About 5 minutes after Mari retrieved our tickets the movie sold out. We had to wait about an hour before our movie's start time, so we grabbed a couple snacks and made our way to the auditorium. As we approach the auditorium we see that there is a line -velvet rope included- of about 50 people. We take our place in line and everything so far is cool. Time passes and the preceding show lets out. Initially, the hallway is packed but those coming out eventually make their way out.

I've done my fair share of line cutting, so I know it's bound to happen. The thing is, is that when I did it I was always pretty slick with it. I was the dude that would slide into line and make the people I cut in front of scratch their heads in confusion about if I had been there the whole time or not. At Bay Plaza it wasn't going down like that. Out of nowhere swarms of black folk (as much as I want to I'm not going to use the "N" word because this is only our second post and I don't want to offend anybody yet) bumrush the door! One kid's face slams into the door, a lady keeps screaming "ohh, f*%@ that", babies are crying, weaves are flying, and here I am with my pregnant wife. So, I get swole, hold her in my clutches to protect her from the madness and finally we make our way into the auditorium. We get into the auditorium and there are sooooo many empty seats it's ridiculous. I take a moment to give my people an indignant look and just shake my head.

We take our seats and in front of us is the lady who was outside screaming "ohh, f*%@ that". She puts a cigarette in her mouth and tells everyone, "S#%^, I'm smoking my damn cigarette! Every last one of y'all can kiss my @$$! I don't give a f*%@!"

Her friends try to tell her to chill and that she can't smoke the cigerette in the theater and she says, "I can do what I damn well please!"

Finally, signalling toward Mari I say to her, "Yo, come on ma she's pregnant."

She takes the cigerette out of her mouth and looks at Mari telling her she was sorry and she won't disrespect her like that because she's a mother who's 34 with a son whose -like- 24. After about 5 minutes of her letting everyone in the vicinity know that she "didn't give a f*%@" and that Mari was pregnant and "that's the only reason why" she wasn't going to smoke, the lights dimmed and on the screen plays the "don't make your own soundtrack". What a joke!

Said woman in front was talking through the whole movie about how she can't stand people who go to the movies laughing all hard and stomping there feet "cause the
s#%^ ain't that funny!" A few minutes later her friend answers the phone to give a report about the movie. Then, as she's talking on the phone she drops a bottle and you hear, "damn, b!^%* you done spilt all the s#%^!" It turns out that that was good thing because for the rest of the movie we only heard occassional outburst from that crew.

The rest of our movie watching experience turned out to be pretty uneventful until the end of the movie. Events at the end of the movie caused everyone to go buckwild and we didn't actually hear the movie for about the last 10 minutes. -it was very fitting that it would end that way.

Now who else can you go to see movies with that will inspire you to want to make a movie about going to the movies?

For those who haven't seen the movie, I won't spoil it just yet. So on our next blog we'll give our reaction to the actual movie.

2010-04-03T22:31:00.000-07:00

More than ten years ago the seed of love between Chris and Mari was planted. On the campus of Hampton University an unassuming friendship was destined to blossom into a strong union.

Their story is one that demonstrates that there is no such thing as coincidence and that everything is planned according to His design. How else can you explain the interconnectedness of these individuals lives prior to being married? For example, following college Mari lives in New York, Chris lives in Ohio, then Mari lives in Ohio, Chris lives in New York. Finally, their paths stop crossing and meet when Chris moves back to Ohio. He thought it was all about going back for school, but unbeknownst to him he would reconnect with the one who always held a special place in his heart.

Mari was at a time in her life when she was dealing with one of the most painful losses she would have to deal with. Her beloved grandfather, Adam Benjamin Thompson (R.I.P. June, 2006), had passed. For all of her life her grandfather was the rock of the foundation for who she was. In her grandfather, Mari realized that many of the qualities he had such as strength, integrity and love were the very things she wanted to find in a future husband. At just the right time that is when Chris re-entered her life.

As they dated, to their surprise, years passed, and their bond of friendship grew into true love. The more time they spent together the more they realized that their love was one neither had ever experienced before. On Valentine’s Day 2008, Chris asked Mari to spend the rest of her life with him… and guess what? She accepted! On 8/8/08, they became husband and wife and they had a wedding celebration for their closest friends and family in June 2009. Thereafter, Chris was offered a job as a professor at a college in New York City and in full circle Chris and Mari returned to New York City as a married couple. Around Thanksgiving Day of 2009 Mari found out she was pregnant…the irony!

This blog will serve as a documented testimonial of what it is like for young newlyweds to continue growing as one and prepare for parenthood in the Big Apple. On this blog we will share our joys, sorrows, happiness, prosperity, challenges and love. Although all are invited, this blog is for single people who want to know what marriage is like, people in new relationships, young married couples or people who want to get married and are hesitant, young couples who are having a baby or want to have a baby, and people who want to live in New York City.
We are proof that you can live, work, and love and become parents on Mars, Venus and New York City!
Enjoy and please feel free to ask us anything! We are here for you.